a hole i can't climb out of

Sadly this is how I feel right now. I saw this on Pinterest earlier and I just had to share it here because I want this blog to be a genuine record of my journey. 

Yesterday and today I've felt a bit low, I can tell it's the Clomid. I checked my diary and this is the exact time last month when I had a few days of feeling really low. Today is CD12. I don't feel terrible but I feel more low and more fragile than normal. This morning I felt daunted by this but keeping busy today has helped. 

I've also been having headaches since yesterday, so I guess this is around the time the side effects show up.

Last month I found that too. While I was taking the tablets I had no side effects but they appeared later.

I thought I might as well write a bit about what Clomid has been like for me, in case it helps anyone. I've been told to take it on cycle days 2-6. (I know some other doctors choose different days) I'm consulting my diary for the following:

Clomid month 1: I started the tablets on March 1st. 50mg.

• 6th and 7th March- I felt a bit more tired than usual and a little emotional. 
• 9th and 10th March- I had breast pain, a bit of a headache and woke up overnight once with what seemed to be a hot flush. 
• Between 11th-14th March I had mild breast pain at times and felt quite depressed on and off. 
• 13th March- I noticed my gums bled a bit while brushing my teeth and in one place I felt a slight swelling of the gum. I panicked because I hate going to the dentist. But I used Corsodyl mouthwash and it went back to normal. I googled it and found Clomid can make your gums bleed more easily!
• 15th-19th March- I had noticeable cervical mucus (I think it was more than I'm used to) and I had a bit of very low level period pain. 
• Then on 20th March, which was day 21 of my cycle and the day I should ovulate since my cycle is about 35 days, I had ovulation/period pain. So I assumed I'd ovulated. 
• I went for a blood test on CD26 and it showed by progesterone level was too low for me to have ovulated.
• Period didn't arrive. Which upset me and confused me. Since I started Metformin a few months ago, my periods had been regular so I wasn't expecting this... However, I googled it (thank goodness for google!) and found it's very common. Something to do with Clomid lengthening your Leutal phase?
• I hoped the period would arrive on its own. I waited until it was 6 days late and phoned the hospital. They upset me because they asked if i'd done a pregnancy test. I said no, because you told me I couldn't have ovulated? They still insisted I did one and that's when I learnt how little they really know. They tell you you definitely haven't ovulated then admit you could have done. Confusing? Yes! So I had to take a pregnancy test the next morning then phone her back. 
• I was given a hospital appointment a few days later and was given Provera to bring on a period. I had to wait yet another 7 days, take yet another pregnancy test and then start taking these tablets. I was worried about side effects from what I've read online but I was fine on it thank goodness. In fact, the week I was taking it I felt great! (haha) and got more done around the house than I'd done in months. I even redesigned our garden a bit and painted the shed a different colour. 

Clomid month 2- I started taking the tablets on 27th April. 100mg this time.

It's still quite early on in the cycle. But so far i've had:

• Less breast tenderness than last month.
• More headaches than last month.
• Dry skin- in the form of dandruff! I had to wash my hair many times to get rid of it.
• Tiredness
• Feeling a bit low/emotional

That brings me up to now. I'll give a proper summary of this month once I'm through it. I've been trying to not think much about the process the past couple of weeks, because last month upset me so much. But the past couple of days I've felt more dragged down by everything. This month they've asked me to go in for a blood test on day 21 and day 25. They're deliberately testing me earlier to try and avoid missing it. So next week will be the first of those tests.

*post written with a clomid headache (lol) so bear that in mind if anything doesn't make sense.